Sweet November

Decided I'm going to take a picture at the beginning of every month and write a goal for this month (business/pleasure), an unknown/fun fact about me, and someone I want to see more this month.
1. Buy keyboard and begin composing songs/apply to internships
2. I dream just about every night I sleep, most concerning either adventure or romance... although last night was horror :/
3. Lauren Garvin, I want some much needed sister bonding time which luckily I will get this weekend!!!

Halloween/Hollywood Town

Had a good Halloween with some friends, friends of which I've had for years and friends of which I am just getting better acquainted with. Night consisted of going out to Huntington Beach then Hollywood. Hollywood on Halloween is Hollywood on major steroids (I've never seen so many trannies in my life). Glad to have gotten to experience it, but probably wouldn't spend my Halloween there again. But some of the funniest memories are made in the oddest of places: like having to leave my fake knife behind because I dropped it on the floor in a porter potty on Santa Monica Blvd... and it definitely was not worth it to pick it up. That and the hilarious conversations in the car with music blasting and the wind in my hair.

The holidays are like pins on the roadmap of my life marking great changes. After a holiday I always wonder where I'll be next year on this exact day not to mention who I'll be with, how I'll be feeling, what I'll be doing, and what will have just recently happened to me that has changed who I am since I last time round? I never seem to be exactly where I would've guessed I'd be, but that's part of the journey. The unexpected, and what you make of it.

I wish we could have even more holidays in the year. Holidays give you an escape from real life and the daily grind. We need more excuses to have an escape.

Pumpkins 2012

Roomie Pumpkin Carving (Our Last Year)

BOOOOOOOO

Say hello to my friend Casper

Buildings and Beauty Marks

I'm kinda going to miss that building behind me that has been like a home to me for the past four years.

Also, I realize.. I have a beauty mark similar to the likes of Julia Roberts, Marily Monroe, and Goldie Hawn. Given me a new appreciation for the mark on my chin :)

Nostalgic

I hate when I get all nostalgic about events in the past, because while it's fun to reminisce it's painful to think I will never experience those times again. Never have those exact moments. I started thinking of the play performances I did in high school specifically "Noises Off". That play was one of the best times of my life. And I guess I kind of miss the person I was. Even though I appreciate who I am now... the girl I was during that year of my life was rather enchanting. I was incredibly happy at that time, doing what I love with people that I loved. I guess you just have to look forward to the future with hope and expectation of those kind of moments. And I've learned you have to reach out to what brings you that kind of happiness; often it doesn't just happen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to recapture that part of myself and chase after those moments.

Feel more like that enchanting girl again.

To Each Their Own

The newest episode of glee was fairly emotional as well as thought provoking, which isn't it's usual tune. I thought the writers did a very good job at addressing a controversial topic with religion/spirituality while maintaining an equal balance on point of views. It had a few moments of religious humor where it poked fun, and then moments of genuine heartfelt faith. But mostly I liked how it showed that everyone should get past what they want to hear or don't want to hear and what they want to believe or don't want to believe: we should be able to show love and support to each other in our own desired ways. No one is 100% sure how we came to be, so don't be arrogant by thinking you are the one person in the entire world who has it exactly right. Neither has the right to lecture one another, more importantly be open and respectful of each others' beliefs.

What I believe is in no way harmful to others and is a part of who I am. Our country screams at the top of its lungs for equality and fights against discrimination. I have never discriminated against those who don't share my beliefs and I expect the same treatment. You can't take my faith from me, and I won't push my faith on you. I am a better person for what I believe, and honestly if for some reason I'm wrong... I didn't lose anything. Both sides of the argument can be argued with facts, but what I can't get past is the complexity of what we feel? experiencing miracles? the power and stretch of love? the perfect setup of our world? the founding of right vs wrong and human nature?

It's all so fascinating. God is good.

To each their own. We should be valued for who we are and what we do, not what we believe.

Every Moment Of Our Lives We Are Either Growing Or Dying

Dodged Bullet

Dodging bullets can be such a relief. New guy summed up: big flirt, has to be in a relationship at all times, and is all over the place. Just had a talk about "us" (aka DTR) last night and today he is in a relationship. He came on super strong and acted like he wanted to be together 6 months from now and have my babies.. blah blah blah. Basically because I didn't want to jump into a relationship right away he couldn't deal. Um new guy... that's why I don't jump into a relationship.. but we weren't well suited for each other. So I'll just say Mahalo and move on.

Ok vent over... That felt good. It's somewhat of a crime to be an independent girl who has her head on straight these days. What happened to guys pursuing a girl with romance and gumption?

Yeah I said it, gumption. Where did the gumption go?

Quote that made my day: Matt- "Ok girlfriend... I'm onto you, and so is everyone else."

I'm A Creep.

It's never simple when it comes to relationships. And it doesn't help when you don't excel at articulating what you need out of a guy. haha. In my last relationship I wanted everything from my boyfriend, I was ready to go at full speed. Now there is this guy in the picture who wants to jump ahead and I have no clue what I want. I don't want to have an exclusive relationship right away, but don't want to have nothing...

shit.

Mad World

It's that time again... the time of feeling like I'm drifting in between two worlds. The world of college is ending and the world of reality is on the horizon. The unknown is always a bit scary, but I'm going to take what I'm handed and run with it because the unknown can also mean limitless opportunity. I look at life as a story, and going through challenging parts create a better story. I'm excited for my first crappy apartment, lowly yet highly demanding job, and heart wrenching first love; but that's just me. I know all these things are matter-of-fact, and there are certain things that I will have to make happen. A continuous effort to make every day count. My goal: I want to live a life exaggerated and worth looking at. I hope I can remind myself to live creatively, love endlessly, give generously and explore vigorously. There are endless amounts of goals I have for myself, it would be just absurd if I accomplished it all. But I can embrace absurdity. That's a word right? ha.

Sometimes a girl needs to feel like she has a new start, and sometimes that new start can be achieved by new hair :)

we will see if your insanity can be cured

Ugh.... finals week. It comes around twice a year and makes people face insanity. My recommendations for finals week is COFFEE (lots of it), christmas songs, and harry potter movies. That should do the trick to get you through. I can't believe after next week I will officially be a senior in college!

This is how I feel right now: "Is this real life? I can't see anything.... a;adlajsaf;kdsjflsdkf"

haha.

Summer Lovin.

Summer is within my grasp! And I'm excited to say I will be spending it back home. Before the plan was to do an internship in LA over the summer, but many factors made me decide to wait till the coming Fall or next Spring to do the internship instead. This summer I want to have lots of fun with friends including many adventures, spend time with my family (especially my grandma who is battling breast cancer, prayers would be appreciated), get a part time job (starbucks would be my dream), and get into the best shape I can. Coming home this summer means I'm going to need my car, so I think Taylor is going to fly down and drive back up with me. Something that I am very excited for at the end of this summer is my 21st birthday. Not just because that means I can legally drink, but mostly because I can legally go into any place I want. That's very exciting! Being 20 has been wonderful and now I'm extremely ready to be 21. I have a feeling this summer will bring much anticipated and needed joy, release, and freedom.

It would be hard to top my last summer but here's to hoping!

hello my name is fabulous

http://lookbook.nu/

amazing website my friend told me about tonight! it's people from all over the world who posts their fashionable outfits. i'm definitely gonna make my own profile.

There Is No Spoon

Generally people don't like change, they prefer to stick to routine because it's comfortable. I'm the opposite. I thrive off of change, something that is pushing me. I crave the excitement. Lately I have been feeling too in routine, which I know is mandatory considering it is college that I am putting myself through and there is reward at the end of this endeavor. But I need to feel more purpose and adventure. So I decided to hop back on the acting train that I had been taking a break from for awhile. Last year was exhilarating and very rewarding because I had to jump through lots of hoops, feel my nerves eat away at me as I drove into LA for showcase or audition, and finally landed an agent. For actors being signed by an agent is like finding gold. I felt incredibly proud of myself, but that was short lasted after my relationship with my agent did not go so well. We expected different things from each other than what played out so our partnership was short lived. I respect him and definitely took away much needed knowledge/experience. Now I'm taking a different approach. First auditions then representation. I am just going to go after everything I can get my hands on. We'll see if it goes anywhere, and if not then it will be a hell of a ride.

In other news, I went through a rough patch (aka season as I call it) recently. I felt different from who I am and recognize. I constantly felt sad or angry. I realized I let a series of spiraling unfortunate events get the better of my emotions. A few unfortunate events this past year were a downer, but then came heartbreak in my family and suddenly my start to this year compared to now seemed to be a huge weight that overwhelmed me. I went to the dark place of "why do these bad things happen?". But I had to remind myself that through pain is the only way we can know true joy. Now I feel lighter and gradually happier. Prayer, journaling, friends/fam, and dancing (oddly) have helped a lot. So funny how yesterday I was doing ballet in my kitchen and that to me was like "hold the phone! I'm dancing....I'M BACK!". Dancing= happiness in Jenna's world. ha.

hakuna matata guys.

Your Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day.

So I saw the movie "Valentine's Day" with my mom on Friday and learned how this day got it's title. Caesar wanted men to focus on war so he banned marriage, but Saint Valentine was a romantic and believed in love. He would secretly marry couples who were in love. Also, on this day Valentine sent a letter to a woman that saying something along the lines of "I will love you forever, love your Valentine". Thus why we call this day Valentine's day.

My Valentine's days in the past have been quite out of the ordinary, and never turn out as I thought they would. Usually I find myself doing something very random, or some kind of stereotypical girl thing such as a burn party (that went wrong), ice cream and sappy movies, etc. But nevertheless I still love this day. It hasn't given me exactly what I want, but it's been pretty good to me. ha. I have some very fond memories of how I spent my funny valentine's day, and I know I have many more ahead of me. It's part of the fun not knowing how this day is going to turn out.

Hope you all feel loved today. I know I do.

Mucho mucho love.

I See You

Ok, I have a lot to say.

So often I've heard people say I have it so together- I'm placed on a pedestal. People look at me and see this happy-go-lucky girl who hasn't experienced what they have. After hearing this numerous times I'm not just taken aback. I'm mad. hurt. sad. And I know that I'm not vulnerable around people as much as I should be, but there's a reason for that. Some people don't show their brokenness outwardly like others. Just because I haven't leaned on alcohol or drugs to numb certain pains doesn't mean I'm fine all the time. If someone takes the time to actually look and inquire, they would know. They would see me. There are rare moments when I completely open up to someone. I have a guard up, and it slowly comes down as I become close to that person. I actually like to share with people, but most of the time people don't ask or just weren't listening. Maybe I try to keep it together constantly because I don't want to be that typical girl with "daddy issues". I don't like to cry in front of people. I don't like to focus on what hurts me. No, I have not lived a life full of rebellion or "worldly" experience. But I have lived a life that has seen betrayal, abuse, loss, sickness, and deceit. So don't tell me I'm perfect or too good. I just try to do the best I can.

God is good. Today I needed to see a certain friend. I needed to talk about certain things I don't often get to talk about with others. I needed to remember who I am, what I need, and someone to wake me up. I'm going to change some things in my life. I've allowed certain changes take place that I would feel bad about. I think I was testing some of my limits, and seeing how I'd feel. But the truth is I didn't become numb to my actions, my conscious kept me in check. Today I heard what my heart needed to hear. I'm going back to my limitations. Just because I'm growing up doesn't mean my purity of heart has to dissolve. I'm me and I'm not going to feel bad about it. I don't regret anything, you are given experiences for a reason and I've learnt a great deal in the past year.

I believe in beauty, faith, and devotion. But I struggle just like everyone else in certain seasons in my life. I feel a new season coming on, and I'm liking the look of it.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."

Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It Happened

My sister and I were talking about how we wonder why certain people are placed in our lives. If they are here to teach us something or if we're teaching them something. Hopefully it goes both ways. Each person I've come close with has made such an imprint on my life and changed me somehow. I definitely think people come into your life for a reason.

Epiphany

Epiphanies are sometimes good, sometimes bad. I hate when I have one that I don't particularly like, but it is what it is.

Wow my shortest blog post ever.

I Wish I Could Save You

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/special/32-hours-the-church-in-haiti

Just watched this and it was deeply saddening but incredibly moving and beautiful too. Haiti has my prayers. It's unreal to see a world so different from my own and the devastation that is unimaginable for us. Christ followers there, even after this tragedy and destruction, they maintain great faith and praise God. A pastor who's church was destroyed and his people caught in the rubble, including his wife, yells with agony crying out to God, but still ends with the word "hallelujah". It brought me to tears.

At the end of the video the pastor of Mars Hill church calls out the church members for not having a more active role. Not only elsewhere but even in their own church. We have all these resources at our fingertips, not only tangible resources, and we do not give. I felt for him as you could see the overwhelming emotions in his face. His disappointment. Sorrow. Urgency. DO SOMETHING. He yelled. It woke me up. I'm someone who has not be doing enough. I prayed.... "I'm sorry". Tears. Amen.

Infinite

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life." - (500) Days of Summer

This I find to be true. But I also find it to be true that a moment, an experience, a day can be significant enough to change your life. Make a lasting impression that you will never forget. I think each of us craves this all the time, which is why we crave adventure, risk, something new. Being in La Push this Saturday was a moment that changed me, just in the slightest way. Crossing the water, climbing the rock and looking around the bend at one of the most beautiful sights. I was afraid to take the risk, but the things you're afraid of are usually the most worthwhile. It was one of those moments where you feel time stops and nothing can bring you down from this high. And to be standing there with two friends made the moment even more special because I got to share it with someone. I hope I have many lasting memories ahead of me, good or bad, I know it'll shape who I become. And I'm excited for that.

What Good Are Words

Wow.. I forgot for awhile there that I have a blog. I find it kinda funny that I have a blog because aren't they supposed to be the insight to your personal thoughts? And that's actually not a talent of mine. I am never able to quite articulate what exactly I want to say so usually what comes out is some jumbled version of what I want to say, what I think I'm supposed to say, or just what is easiest to say. Sometimes useful, but mostly frustrating cause it usually creeps up on me and bites me in the butt. I guess the best way to really know what someone is feeling or thinking is to look at their actions, I do believe actions speak louder than words, but words do help. It's like how people say 90% of what you're saying isn't coming out of your mouth.

Today I went to Starbucks to journal and reflect as the New Year is beginning, and it was wonderful. I sat by the fireplace and journaled like crazy. Then did my devotionals while listening to the new moon soundtrack and watching the rain fall outside the window. I had a great year last year, but there's some definite changes for the better that should be considered or made. When I compare this January to last year's January it feels like I'm much more antsy. For some reason I feel some kind of urgency or rush to find something or feel something. See once again hard for me to explain. I hope I can enjoy what comes my way this month and just let everything go.

One of my friends mentioned this whole thing of developing 6 new hobbies. You focus on one hobby for 2 months. So my first new hobby I want to develop/focus on for the month of January and February is painting. I've dabbled in it, but haven't totally thrown myself into it. I'd like to see what I can really do and I feel like now is a good time to explore expressing through a different form of art. I'm passionate about art so this should be a fun new avenue of that passion.

Well goodnight and sweet dreams.