Restless

I hate it when I try to go to sleep but I can't because my mind is so full of thoughts.. I was forced to go upstairs and talk to my mom about what's on my mind. We had a good little chat, and I need to just accept that people are who they are and I can't let it frustrate me.

but it did make me happy that my mom is booking our tickets to Hawaii!!
This August- Maui here we come!


goodnight.

Good Start to Summer

Well it's been awhile. I've just been busy enjoying my summer break so far! Being home is so refreshing, I feel calm and relaxed. The first few days I was back home I did what I always do- socialize to the max then feel exhausted a few days later. So a few days here and there I'll lay low and enjoy some time just to myself. It's been a good balance. I've gotten to do things I love but don't have much time for while in school like reading for pleasure. I started reading the book Love the One You're With by Emily Griffin. It intrigued me. I've gotten to watch some old movies I've never seen before like Flash Dance haha. And I've done a lot of just cruising around with the windows down and listening to some awesome music. I absolutely love to just drive. Oh and a new hobby I'm pursuing is learning to play the guitar. I'm using my mom's guitar she played during the 70's! I've always get so excited when I start learning something new and there's something sentimental about it because I'm playing the guitar my mom played when she was my age. It makes me feel closer to her. So I thought my summer was going to be full of me doing nothing, but turns out a lot of opportunities have come up! I'm still going to California July 5th or 6th with my mom to get stuff set up in my new house there, but I don't think I'm going to stay in California for the summer, especially if I can't get job. Which kinda sucks that I won't be doing much acting stuff this summer but I live in California year round so I'm going to enjoy my summer. But now... my family has decided we want to do a family trip to HAWAII!!! I love how spontaneous and adventurous my family can be! Each kid is paying for our plane ticket, and have to have some spending money for when we're there. My brother and I are gonna paint our whole house to earn money instead of my mom hiring someone else. So that's pretty tight. Then I'm roadtripping with my sister to Michigan near the end of August cause she's moving there for law school. I've been to both coasts plenty of times but never really the midwest so this trip will be full of new things to experience- like Mount Rushmore haha.

A revelation I had recently is that a dream is a beautiful thing, but it shouldn't consumer your life. A few years ago my dream to succeed with acting consumed my thoughts and I didn't want to let God in to be a part of it, because I didn't want to give Him the chance to say yes or no. But these past two years I've developed a stronger more intimate relationship with God that I'm very happy with. As things with acting have started falling into place I've continued to pray and be completely ok with the door being closed at anytime. And I can't focus all my energy on this dream because there are things in my life I care about more like my family, friends, relationships, etc. So I'm taking opportunities that come my way that don't necessarily involve acting being my first priority. And also, I've realized I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed to tell people that I've been pursuing acting because I fear they will see me as some fame seeking teenager. Which is completely not me. I don't desire the lifestyle of a celebrity, all that comes with being in the entertainment industry. I desire to pursue a passion that is a part of me.. just like everyone else. And I think people forget to realize people are called to different industries... a calling is not always to have a career in ministry, or be a missionary, or join the peace core. People are called to be teachers who give children hope and dreams for their futures, doctors who save lives, business men and women who help people attain items and services they need for their daily lifestyles. Each industry needs believers/disciples to inspire and guide people. The entertainment industry and celebrities are one of the biggest influences in our society today, those people have a voice that is heard by millions. They set an example, but an example that isn't usually a good one. Most have broken,lonely lives full of material things that are not fulfilling. Who would want that? Not me. I want to believe in God's ability to bring light to the darkest places. If someone is put in a position to have a voice as powerful as a celebrity and speaks words of truth from God, think of how many people would be exposed to the word. And not necessarily always having to use words, but purely actions of that person who is in the spotlight and constantly challenged to not falter, would speak to millions. That's what I'm pursuing. Films have always influenced how I view the world and allowed me to relate to stories that mirror what I've gone through in my own life. Characters on screen inspire me. But I'm completely satisfied if a career in acting is not what I meant to do, I'm majoring in business (possibly emphasis on marketing) and minoring in film. I think if I continue on this route with my degree I'd want to work for some production company such as Warner Brothers or Paramount. Be involved in the business side of films, not so much the technical. I'm excited about all different kinds of avenues that might await me. I'm excited for my future whatever it may be, because I know I'll be happy and blessed.

Wow I wrote A LOT. It's one of those topics that makes it hard to get all your thoughts on the page.