Into the light of the dark black night

My favorite parts of October...

Waking up to morning fog.

Apple Cider.

Huge scarves.

Pumpkins.

Fall leaves. When you walk around they crunch under your feet.
Halloween- trick or treaters, haunted houses, scary movies, candy, cobwebs, costumes
Disneyland at Halloween time. The haunted mansion, and now ghost galaxy at space mountain.
So I've started this thing were I put up sticky notes on my wall with quotes that I like or that are inspirational in a way. These are the ones I have up so far:

"Always do what you're afraid to do" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

" A day without laughter is a day wasted" -Charlie Chaplin

" What are men to rocks and mountains" -Jane Austen

" For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline" - 2 Timothy 1:7

Any suggestions??

"Something always brings me back to you, and it never takes too long"

I was having a flash back today of my spring semester freshmen year when I was in search of the right church. I had been slightly avoiding it because oddly for some reason going to new church completely alone is frightening. Nervously I walked into an old church (wooden benches, high ceilings, stained windows) in la habra wearing a strapless flowing summer dress. I had dressed up for the occasion hoping it would give me more confidence going in as I took a seat by myself near the front. Still feeling lost I started to sing the words to the first worship song. There was no one around that I knew, I didn't feel self conscious, and slowly I just let go and was completely myself. I wept. It was a beautiful experience. I felt completely free from the eyes of others but never more clearly seen by the eyes of God.

I go to Rock Harbor church regularly since last year, and I love it there. It's the opposite of the church I was just talking about. But it's more of what captivates me-it's lively, colorful, and creative. But intimate at the same time. I really want to get more involved at Rock Harbor. Take on some kind of position there.

Shake the Glitter Off Your Clothes

I had to put this picture up first because she's oh so stylish and holding a starbucks. That's my girl.

Sex and the City fashion. Love it.





Gossip Girl fashion.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, my first fashionista love. I have always loved how they dress.

Oldies But Goodies

One of my favorite devotionals I ever did:

A week ago I was doing a daily devotional and the reading for the day was Revelations 10-14. Out of what I read, verse 10 spoke to me the most: “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” Sometimes when I do devotionals I feel such a strong sense of understanding from what I just read, but have a hard time putting it into words right away. I’ve been thinking about it more and I realize I strongly connect with this verse because it’s what’s on my heart right now. I heard the phrase recently, “In the end, the only thing you ever own is your story. I’m just trying to make mine a good one” –Australia. It makes you analyze your life so far, what you have to tell, and what

you want for your future. I’ve had my fair share of significant experiences, good and bad… and I’m thankful for what story I’ve developed so far because it’s allowed me to connect with more people who have their own stories to share. Those who don’t have a story or a testimony to share aren’t as available to be used for God’s good. By telling your story, you can affect someone else’s story. By sharing your life, you can change a life.
The second line in that verse, “they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death”, makes me think of one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “always do what you are afraid to do”. Usually the things we fear the most have the biggest reward and when you hold on to your way of life too much and try to protect it and keep it safe by all means, the real meaning and value is lost. It scares me to think that I could end up the same as another person… have the same life. It would make me question “why am I here if I’m the same as that other girl?”. There is a unique purpose

for each individual and you’ll never discover yours unless you let go and go find it.
I do not want to love my life so much as to shrink from doing what I believe is right, going to places unknown to me, asking for forgiveness, saying how much I care, and other risks. If there is a chance of getting hurt or disappointed, there is also a chance of reward, joy, and appreciation. Either way, you just have another piece of your story/testimony to add. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” Romans 5:3-4.
This life isn’t forever, it’s too short to not say what you mean to say and do what you’ve dreamed of doing. I want to do wonders, witness miracles, see the world, love and be loved…leave a footprint in the sand. I hope you do too.

A poem I wrote awhile back...

Ever Thine

Morning light and bird songs
Sparkling curls across your arm
Sand between our toes and only sweet sounds
Rushing and racing, laughing and chasing
Carry me away
For I am ever thine

Full of color then bare
Quiet and still
A gust of pumpkin spice and the chills
Studying the lines of your face by candlelight
A graze of my cheek, a touch of your lips
To be held safe under blankets of warmth
I whisper ever thine

From the rooftops there was white snow
Breathtakingly pure
Colored lights on gingerbread houses
Beautiful Christmas melodies
Sleigh bells ring, the love that mistletoe brings
Celebrating our King of Kings

My love, I am ever thine

Rose buds bloom and rainstorms loom
The promise of a rainbow
Daydreaming in fields filled with Sarayu
This heart is ever true
Ever thine

Ever mine

Ever ours

Men Done Right

GQ Magazine really knows how to photograph men- it's all about facial stubble.

"A Day Without Laughter Is A Day Wasted"

Charlie Chaplin is officially one of the funniest people I have ever seen on screen. I watched his film "The Immigrant" and "The Kid" (both you can watch on youtube) in my film history class recently. His understanding of how to use his body and facial expressions for comedic affect are unreal. Such clever gags. He's one of the very few people in history that you can just put a camera in front of and not have to do anything else, just let them do what they do and you will be mesmerized.

Just a Ride

My Saturday night consisted of driving around blasting Muse, drinking some Starbucks, and watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "Fight Club" with Brittany.

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is about this couple who erases their memories of each other. It's a really interesting movie, it jumps around in time so it's a little hard to follow, but it makes it more compelling. It makes you wonder if you could erase any of your memories would you? At first most people would think yeah why not erase some of your worst memories, but when you really think about it your memories whether good or bad make you who you are.

Even if you still have a certain memory that causes you pain, you learned something from that experience. In this case, the two main characters want to erase the memory of their relationship because of their broken hearts. I know that if my heart were broken I'd want to be able to forget what caused it to be broken, but it's through broken hearts that people can discover what real love is. What their match in another person looks like. And sometimes you don't realize how deeply you care about something until you're losing it, like in the movie.

Favorite Quotes:

Clementine- "When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll, who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly. Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change too. "

Joel- "You're pretty"

Clementine- "Joel don't ever leave me."

Joel- "You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty."

Joel- "I could die right now Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be."

"Fight Club" is about this average Joe kind of guy who is miserable with his routine of a life until he meets a guy who helps him to let everything go and start really acting alive. Changes his whole outlook on the world. I love this movie because it's so hardcore and has that whole "what the hell, let the dice fall where they may" outlook, but also it makes you really evaluate your life so far and what you want out of it. If you're really living day to day as if you're fully alive. A lot of us get into routine and don't even notice. I know I do sometimes. And there's so much I want to do and no explanation as to why I'm not doing it. There's so many times

throughout the movie where Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) challenges these guys. Makes them think, not necessarily in an ideal way but it gets results that's for sure. ha. I wouldn't necessarily quite my job (if I had one) and go join a club where I get the crap beaten outta me so I feel alive. But I do know that I'm someone who can live simply, without all the worldly possessions I own, and do/experience what I actually want to see, feel, live.

Favorite Quotes:

Tyler Durden- "We're the middle children of history man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

Tyler Durden- "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not you're fucking khakis. You're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world."

Narrator- "Fight Club wasn't about winning or losing. It wasn't about words. The hysterical shouting was in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church."

Walk On Rails

THURSDAY/TRUST

Bible verse Psalm 9

Consider the areas where you know you need to trust God more.

I used to have more of a problem with trusting in God before- last year actually. Then as I let God in more and more, it became more clear to me how I could trust Him. I didn't need to protect myself from Him. I had grown so used to taking care of myself, and being protective of my heart it was hard, and still is, to adjust to surrendering. Giving my heart and trust to someone fully is an issue and God wasn't the exception. I don't like to rely or put faith in other people for fear of disappointment or abandonment. I know that God is always watching out for me and I can trust Him with my life, He intends to make my life fruitful and has already given me many blessings. It is not His intention to make me feel pain, fear, or suffering. It's when I turn away from Him that I experience that. I still have a hard time letting go and giving into Him once in awhile, but I am aware of it which makes it easier for me to fix. I believe in God and his power to love, heal, forgive, and remain faithful. God is good to me.

P.S. I just watched a bunch of videos I had made back and forth with my roomates last Christmas and it made my heart ACHE for the season to come sooner!! I miss snow, cozy layers of clothes, hot cocoa, christmas lights, gingerbread house making, playing christmas songs on the piano, snow angels... man this isn't good that my longing for Christmas is starting even earlier this year. I'm one of those people who will listen to Christmas music as soon as Halloween has passed... but now I'm the kind of person who starts thinking about Christmas in September?? Dang. Haha.

Light Up The Darkness

WEDNESDAY/LAMENT

Bible verse Psalm 41

Write a psalm of lament... an honest prayer. Simply tell God how you feel.

Heavenly Father, there are moments of pure joy and content,

but I walk in wonder and don't know how to feel. I yearn for your fire and passion. Fire fall down and tower over me. I desire to be desired and have the heart of a young woman designed to be captivating. You fulfill me and give me worth, help me spread love and inspiration to those in the dark. Make me fruitful today and for always. Amen.

On another note, I've become such a fan of Zooey Deschanel especially since seeing her in the movie 500 Days of Summer which was really really good! So clever, funny, and creative. Zooey Deschanel has such a quirky, loveliness about her that is so charming in her movies. She doesn't try to be something she's not, she stays true to herself. She also has a great sense of humor, a wonderful voice, and she's gorgeous. She's now on my list of actresses I look up to.

Silent Sea

TUESDAY/LISTEN

Bible verse Psalm 85

Consider a time when you heard clearly from God. Where were you? Take a picture of the place (or something

that represents that place):

One of the places I can hear God speaking to me most is when I'm taking a shower or bubble bath.

Our days are filled with noise and activity (people talking, radio, internet, TV, cars on the street, etc). So I guess it makes sense that when I'm secluded from the rest of the world I can think clearly and just listen and be quiet in thought. I'm completely open to hearing God tugging on my heart because I'm not distracted. It also kinda feels cleansing-washing away anything that is weighing on me. Seriously, candlelit bubble baths are one of my favorite things to do! I do it any chance I get. I'm gonna be one of those women who likes to take a warm bubble bath, candles lit with enya playing, and drinking a glass of wine on a saturday night when I'm older. ha.

In other news: I have my first commercial audition tomorrow in north hollywood. Should be fun!

Tower Over Me

Going to church last night at Rock Harbor really woke me up. I had been in a dry spell for awhile there, beginning of summer I was on fire but then I think vacation made me too relaxed and sidetracked that I didn't maintain as strong a connection with God. I closed up for awhile, which I think we all tend to do sometimes and even though we hate that it happens.. we're human so it's inevitable. But every time I learn more about how easy it is to come back to being full of the spirit and feel fruitful. I gave God 45 mins to an hour of my time last night and I was flooded with excitement, love, and all the ideas that I had for myself this year that I had somehow forgotten. God reminded me of what I was passionate about, and how I had made Him a part of those passions, and I realized I've been feeling dry because I had lost track of this.

Passions:

- I want to start a girls fellowship group at my school. At first I felt called to start it specifically for freshman girls because I remember being a freshmen and feeling kind of lost, it would have made a huge difference to be a part of a girls group to help lead me. But I'm going to make it open for any girl at Chapman whether she's a freshman or senior. I think it'd be cool to do our meetings at the beach because I personally feel uplifted when I go to the beach- it's beautiful, peaceful, and makes me feel spiritually open. So coffee and the beach sounds good to me :)

- Last year I busted my butt to get somewhere with acting- my goal was to get signed with an agent which I did last spring to my surprise. I almost thought it wouldn't be possible, but once I allowed God to be a part of this passion and I was open to whether it was going to be a part of my life or not, things seemed to fall into place and doors were opening. It's funny how once you don't put as much pressure on yourself, your goals becomes attainable. Now I'm supposed to start going on commercial auditions then hopefully tv and film shortly after. Entertainment is something I love doing, and it's become so pivotal in our world today, that I know if it's a part of God's plan to place me there, wonderful things will come of that.

- I want to experience new things! Go somewhere new every weekend, explore what's out there. And not just keep it local but try to make plans to travel every year. I want to see the world.

- Volunteer somewhere. I want to help others and get involved.

And lastly, I'm following through with this thing called Seek Week that Rock Harbor is having it's members do. So here's for today:

MONDAY/BE THANKFUL

Bible verse Psalm 100

5 things I'm thankful for...

1. My family, I'm thankful that my family is so loving and supportive, I couldn't get along without them.

2. My education, I'm thankful that I have the means to go to a school like Chapman University and get the chance to pursue my passions.

3. My friends, I'm thankful that I have friends who have led me, influenced me for the better, and are so much fun to spend time with.

4. The place I live, California is a fun and exciting place to be, and when I'm living home in Washington I experience beauty and nature everyday.

5. Art. I'm thankful for music and dance, if I didn't dance and sing everyday I don't know how I'd express myself.

Maui Took My Breath Away

My family finally got to take our dream trip to Maui, Hawaii. It was everything I dreamed it would be and more. Maui is amazing- the beaches have white sand and crystal clear water, lots of coral and sealife, tropical flowers cover the ground, the air sticks to your skin leaving the tropical scent embedded on you, the people are all very friendly and laidback, and the feeling that you're thousands of miles away from reality is freeing. Being on the island took my mind off of everything except stopping to smell the roses and watching the sun set every night. It was beautiful. I really want to explore every island in Hawaii, but would also love to go back to Maui someday.

It's funny how traveling to unknown exciting places makes you feel capable of doing things you normally wouldn't consider doing. In our everyday lives we hold back, we're too afraid of the consequences even if there's a chance for something great to come out of taking risks. Lots of people say they try to live by the saying "live life to the fullest", but it's difficult to genuinely do that because we get too attached to our safe havens. Like how God says to not be too attached to our worldly things/possessions- it's as if to really experience the world we can't be attached to it.

Surfboards on the Kaanapali Beach.
Crystal clear water.
Completely buried Lauren in the sand.
Snorkeling.
The colorful bathing suit that got me chased by two GIANT seaturtles.
Tropical drinks by the pool.
Bubba Gumps in Lahaina Town.
Paia (aka hippie town).
Best fish tacos I've ever had.
Luau at the Westin Hotel.
Guri Guri, the frozen treat my mom raved about in her journal when she went to Hawaii when she was 17.
Here's to good seasons in life.

Ohana means family :)