we will see if your insanity can be cured

Ugh.... finals week. It comes around twice a year and makes people face insanity. My recommendations for finals week is COFFEE (lots of it), christmas songs, and harry potter movies. That should do the trick to get you through. I can't believe after next week I will officially be a senior in college!

This is how I feel right now: "Is this real life? I can't see anything.... a;adlajsaf;kdsjflsdkf"

haha.

Summer Lovin.

Summer is within my grasp! And I'm excited to say I will be spending it back home. Before the plan was to do an internship in LA over the summer, but many factors made me decide to wait till the coming Fall or next Spring to do the internship instead. This summer I want to have lots of fun with friends including many adventures, spend time with my family (especially my grandma who is battling breast cancer, prayers would be appreciated), get a part time job (starbucks would be my dream), and get into the best shape I can. Coming home this summer means I'm going to need my car, so I think Taylor is going to fly down and drive back up with me. Something that I am very excited for at the end of this summer is my 21st birthday. Not just because that means I can legally drink, but mostly because I can legally go into any place I want. That's very exciting! Being 20 has been wonderful and now I'm extremely ready to be 21. I have a feeling this summer will bring much anticipated and needed joy, release, and freedom.

It would be hard to top my last summer but here's to hoping!

hello my name is fabulous

http://lookbook.nu/

amazing website my friend told me about tonight! it's people from all over the world who posts their fashionable outfits. i'm definitely gonna make my own profile.

There Is No Spoon

Generally people don't like change, they prefer to stick to routine because it's comfortable. I'm the opposite. I thrive off of change, something that is pushing me. I crave the excitement. Lately I have been feeling too in routine, which I know is mandatory considering it is college that I am putting myself through and there is reward at the end of this endeavor. But I need to feel more purpose and adventure. So I decided to hop back on the acting train that I had been taking a break from for awhile. Last year was exhilarating and very rewarding because I had to jump through lots of hoops, feel my nerves eat away at me as I drove into LA for showcase or audition, and finally landed an agent. For actors being signed by an agent is like finding gold. I felt incredibly proud of myself, but that was short lasted after my relationship with my agent did not go so well. We expected different things from each other than what played out so our partnership was short lived. I respect him and definitely took away much needed knowledge/experience. Now I'm taking a different approach. First auditions then representation. I am just going to go after everything I can get my hands on. We'll see if it goes anywhere, and if not then it will be a hell of a ride.

In other news, I went through a rough patch (aka season as I call it) recently. I felt different from who I am and recognize. I constantly felt sad or angry. I realized I let a series of spiraling unfortunate events get the better of my emotions. A few unfortunate events this past year were a downer, but then came heartbreak in my family and suddenly my start to this year compared to now seemed to be a huge weight that overwhelmed me. I went to the dark place of "why do these bad things happen?". But I had to remind myself that through pain is the only way we can know true joy. Now I feel lighter and gradually happier. Prayer, journaling, friends/fam, and dancing (oddly) have helped a lot. So funny how yesterday I was doing ballet in my kitchen and that to me was like "hold the phone! I'm dancing....I'M BACK!". Dancing= happiness in Jenna's world. ha.

hakuna matata guys.

Your Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day.

So I saw the movie "Valentine's Day" with my mom on Friday and learned how this day got it's title. Caesar wanted men to focus on war so he banned marriage, but Saint Valentine was a romantic and believed in love. He would secretly marry couples who were in love. Also, on this day Valentine sent a letter to a woman that saying something along the lines of "I will love you forever, love your Valentine". Thus why we call this day Valentine's day.

My Valentine's days in the past have been quite out of the ordinary, and never turn out as I thought they would. Usually I find myself doing something very random, or some kind of stereotypical girl thing such as a burn party (that went wrong), ice cream and sappy movies, etc. But nevertheless I still love this day. It hasn't given me exactly what I want, but it's been pretty good to me. ha. I have some very fond memories of how I spent my funny valentine's day, and I know I have many more ahead of me. It's part of the fun not knowing how this day is going to turn out.

Hope you all feel loved today. I know I do.

Mucho mucho love.

I See You

Ok, I have a lot to say.

So often I've heard people say I have it so together- I'm placed on a pedestal. People look at me and see this happy-go-lucky girl who hasn't experienced what they have. After hearing this numerous times I'm not just taken aback. I'm mad. hurt. sad. And I know that I'm not vulnerable around people as much as I should be, but there's a reason for that. Some people don't show their brokenness outwardly like others. Just because I haven't leaned on alcohol or drugs to numb certain pains doesn't mean I'm fine all the time. If someone takes the time to actually look and inquire, they would know. They would see me. There are rare moments when I completely open up to someone. I have a guard up, and it slowly comes down as I become close to that person. I actually like to share with people, but most of the time people don't ask or just weren't listening. Maybe I try to keep it together constantly because I don't want to be that typical girl with "daddy issues". I don't like to cry in front of people. I don't like to focus on what hurts me. No, I have not lived a life full of rebellion or "worldly" experience. But I have lived a life that has seen betrayal, abuse, loss, sickness, and deceit. So don't tell me I'm perfect or too good. I just try to do the best I can.

God is good. Today I needed to see a certain friend. I needed to talk about certain things I don't often get to talk about with others. I needed to remember who I am, what I need, and someone to wake me up. I'm going to change some things in my life. I've allowed certain changes take place that I would feel bad about. I think I was testing some of my limits, and seeing how I'd feel. But the truth is I didn't become numb to my actions, my conscious kept me in check. Today I heard what my heart needed to hear. I'm going back to my limitations. Just because I'm growing up doesn't mean my purity of heart has to dissolve. I'm me and I'm not going to feel bad about it. I don't regret anything, you are given experiences for a reason and I've learnt a great deal in the past year.

I believe in beauty, faith, and devotion. But I struggle just like everyone else in certain seasons in my life. I feel a new season coming on, and I'm liking the look of it.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."